Healing From Church Hurt & Christians Who Let You Down
It was a Wednesday night church service. My spouse and I were invited to sit with our new prayer group friends near the front of the congregation. As I abandoned myself in praise to God, I opened my eyes for a moment to see the beautiful worship coming from our song leaders. (I had always wished for a voice that could sing such beautiful harmonies). In the brief moment when my focus was turned from God and onto the worship team, I heard the Lord say, “Don’t put your eyes on them, keep them on Me.” Startled, I looked to my right where my friends were and I heard, “Don’t look to them either. Look to Me.” I then looked at my husband on my left and the Lord said, “Not him either. Keep your eyes on Me.” It was clear at that moment, early in my walk with God, that He wanted me to keep my eyes on Him.
Over the years that divine instruction served me well. The worship team broke up, my friends turned their back, and my spouse went down a destructive road that destroyed our 18-year marriage and everything that we had built together.
In addition to that, God moved me from one church to another, twice, and in those transitions, I lost friendships that felt more like the loss of family members.
In each instance of loss and great disappointment, those sweet words returned to me as a reminder that God still remains. His Word says He will never leave me nor forsake me. He doesn’t. He hasn’t, and He won’t. Ultimately, I was able to find silver linings on the other side of the hurt, and as I kept my eyes on God, He brought me understanding of the trials and heartaches.
He brings us peace that surpasses all understanding if we just take our eyes off the storm and put them back on Him.
When we realize that churches are made up of imperfect people who are just trying to grow in the things of God, it’s easier to understand that they are going to let us down. People, good people, and sometimes even ourselves, are going to miss it on some things. We still live in a fallen world where the devil works overtime to divide the church. He loves to get into our feels. If he can get us offended, we become ineffective.
Pastors and church leaders experience this as well. They are not immune to the disappointments and heartache that we not only walk through with them, but what we may even cause them and others within the body. We are an imperfect people, all of us, who are on a journey of being perfected and complete!
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:2-5
The Bible instructs us to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling.
“Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away, it is even more important. Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.
Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people.” Philipians 2:12-15
When the worship team split up, when my friends left, when my spouse turned away, and when it felt like church family disowned me, I could have been wrecked. I could have lost my faith. I could have determined that this church and God stuff was garbage and everyone was a hypocrite. But I didn’t because they weren’t my focus. God was, and He always will be. Did it hurt? It hurt deeply. Was I bewildered? You bet I was. Did I lose faith in people? Of course I did, but that was the point! I learned first hand that I should not put my faith in man. I must always place my faith in Jesus.
I’m sure that is why pastors are able to keep going when they are hurt, too. As we remember that Christ is to be our focus, our first love, and our all in all, we can overcome. When we remember that He first loved us in spite of our flaws and mistakes, and that we are to strive to be like Him, we understand that we must forgive others as He’s forgiven us. Sometimes that means moving on, sometimes it means establishing boundaries, and sometimes that means forgiving the seemingly unforgivable.
“It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.” Psalm 118:8
For more on this topic, see the links below.
We have all heard the term “Body of Christ.” Pastors have explained it well over the years. Pointing to the words of the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 12, They describe the various parts of a human body and how they each serve a function. Bystanders don’t necessarily see the the work behind each individual effort. They see the outcome. The greater the unity in effort, the greater the outcome and experience.